This isn't right. None of this is okay.
What did you go through?
What did you endure?
In those final moments.. were you lonely?
Were you scared?
Did you struggle? To survive..
Did you decide? To stay or go..
Was it your choice or were you robbed
Did you leave with pride or did you melt into a fearful sleep?
What occupied your mind in that
Were you seeking rest, solitude?
Did you welcome it when it came or did you try to escape?
Was there regret? Shame?
What was the last emotion you felt?
Was it fear? Solitude? Hopelessness...
Not like this..
No one should ever be alone when they leave this world.
When they breathe out their last breath.
With no one there to guide them..
To hold their hand crossing from one world to another.
Did your heart hurt?
What troubled you, beloved?
What battle were you fighting inside?
Who or what is responsible for stealing your joy?
The essence of you..
The thing that made you, you.
There was no one like you..
So alive and full of love.
Full of light and hope.
Your smiles lit up any conversation..
Your laugh still echos in our hearts..
Did you fight or did you welcome rest?
Rest for your weary soul..
Your wounded heart..
Rest from a world that claimed to understand you.. to know you.
Rest from the torment and burden that was placed upon you.
Did you find relief?
Are you free from all that bound you once?
You deserved so much more than what this world could have ever offered you.
You are in a place where you will never be plucked out of.
The joy you are in now will be your home forever.
This world cannot hurt you anymore.
The troubles of this life cannot reach you where you are.
You will never taste the bitterness of pain again..
Anger, confusion, loneliness..
No one can ever hurt you again.
Although our hearts are broken, we rejoice in knowing your heart has finally been mended.
You are whole.
This life could have offered you nothing but pain and sorrow.
This world could have never offered you the peace you know now.
You were weighed down by so much..
Through all the bad you went through, you beloved, were the good.
You were the smile in our hearts.
A light in dark moments.
In times of sorrow, you were the laughter.
The darkness of this world tried to suppress your pure and radiant light.
For a moment, it seemed to have won over you.
But, you defeated that darkness.
You are a champion.
We will never forget your warmth.
The love that radiated from your being.
All who knew you were blessed with a precious gift and we will treasure your memory forever.
Your life was a quest for answers.
You sought a response for the many things your wonderful mind pondered.
Sweet loving James, full of life and love.
This is how you are remembered for now you are more alive than ever before.
Rest in the arms of the one who's loved you since before your being was even a thought.
In the arms of Him who created you.
The One who created every fiber of your perfect and wonderful being.
The One who knit you together in your mothers womb.
The One who's kept watch over you from your first heart beat to the very last one..
The One who welcomed you home when you closed your eyes.
You, you James, are the lucky one.
You have imprinted my heart and mind in such a tremendous and unforgettable way.
You are loved more than you will ever know.
In loving and precious memory
James Ruben Nichitean